1 year ago
35
Oh yeah. Thank God, Jack Smith, the Boxes Hoax and just this once the media for the news twice-impeached, once-indicted, sedition-attempting, legally liable for sexual abuse grifter, mobster, rancid heap of human garbage and cameo actor in Home Alone 2 Donald Trump has been indicted, this time reportedly on seven federal charges ranging from willful retention of national defense information under the Espionage Act to conspiracy to obstruct justice to making “false statements.” Espionage! Good times.
The first-ever, about-damn-time indictment of a former president on federal charges comes via a previously unrevealed federal grand jury impaneled in Florida last month to consider charges stemming from the Slobfather's hoarding of top-secret documents at Hell-a-Lago, and his hissy-fit refusal to return them. The indictment remains under seal, but will likely become public when he's arraigned Tuesday at federal court in Miami. Last week, federal prosecutors had formally told his lawyers he was the target of a criminal investigation, but rumors the head of DOJ's counter-espionage department was involved spiced up the wait. So did word that prosecutors had cunningly made an end run around Trump's famous I-declassified-things-in-my-head possible defense by not using the term "classified information" to ensure he could still face ten years in prison. Did we mention good times around here?
Already facing 34 state counts of falsifying business records in a New York criminal case, a D.C. grand jury looking into January 6, a $10 million defamation case by Jean Carroll, a gazillion lawsuits and the flames of hell licking at his stubby fingers, Trump reacted to the latest evidence of his yuge loserdom with his and his family's usual grace, shrieking and raging it's a "DARK DAY" for the U.S. and "I AM AN INNOCENT MAN!” and "DOJ, FBI, NEW YORK A.G., NEW YORK D.A., ATLANTA D.A. FASCISTS ALL!" and "PERFECT Ukraine phone call" and "SCAMS & WITCH HUNTS. A TRAVESTY OF JUSTICE &ELECTION INTERFERENCE AT A LEVEL NEVER SEEN BEFORE," like always. It's apparently all a rude surprise for the idiot narcissist who's been surrounded by minions giving him "too much happy talk for way too long" about what was coming down the righteous pike, or not. Yup: times good.
Also, Mark Meadows may (or may not) have flipped and pleaded guilty to lesser charges for limited immunity, which could be disastrous for Cheeto. Steve Bannon, inexplicably free while appealing contempt of Congress convictions, has been subpoenaed by another federal grand jury convened by Jack Smith to probe the 2020 election and Jan. 6. Bellicose GOP presidential hopefuls hover, from "tower of unctuousness" Mike Pence timidly decrying the guy who almost got him hung to Chris Christie slamming "the last throes of a bitter angry man" whose family's grift is "breathtaking." Twitter's evil, but see #TrumpIndictment, #Justice, #MuellerSheWrote, #KamalaNation, George Conway predicting, "For the rule of law, Santa's going to come early this year," jubilation across the land that the lifetime petty criminal's untouchable victory streak may be over. So yeah: good times, and fuck him.
